Words have been hard to come by for me this week. As Josh and I prepared for our move, we talked about how differently we process change. He experiences the emotions prior to the change — the fear, grief, elation and anticipation — whereas I deal with it all once the change has occurred. These last couple of days have been difficult. For weeks I have been numb, going through the motions of saying goodbye and hello without any of the accompanying feelings. That is over, and I am currently slogging through it all…

Moving seems like dying to me. As I experience the loss of my grandma, I was amazed at how quickly life moved on without her. Yes, there was a mourning process, and I longed for her to come back. My kids still needed to be fed, though. Babies were born, people were married, groceries were bought; the mundane and the epic still occurred without her.

Life moves on in our old home without us. And for us, in this new place, we still need to do laundry and cook meals. It’s all just done in a new location.

Ezra won’t say goodnight to my mom. Each night we tell him to give her a kiss and say goodnight, and he says no. During the day he’s fine with her, it’s just that nighttime routine that he won’t budge on. He insists that this is not his house — and he’s right. This is not our home, it is my mom and step dad’s home which they have so graciously opened to us for our transitional period.

He feels a loss. What was normal is gone, and he’s set adrift in the unknown.