Nothing has taught me more how selfish I am than marriage and my children. I once thought I was a pretty good person: generous, caring, outgoing.
In the first few years of life as a Mrs., I discovered that I like things my way. Apparently I told Josh that we had to use the same towel, because I didn’t want to have too much laundry. I don’t remember this, and I question his memory, but I wouldn’t have put it past me. Thinking I had it all figured out; I was the marriage expert. Life showed me that just reading a few books and having some thoughts does not an expert make.
Pretty soon I felt like the crucible was over. I’d come through the fire, tested and purified. NOW…now I was a selfless and wonderful person.
Enter Baby Eli. Then Baby Cora. Then Baby Ezra. Then Baby Silas.
With each one the layers of my selfishness get peeled away. Revealing deeper and hidden truths of the decay that needs to be rooted out. I don’t really enjoy it. I’d like to go back to the time when I thought I was ok. Can I keep the husband and children, though?
Now that I can’t have any more children…does that mean that I’m done being selfish?
Oh wait…now we’re going into ministry…
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Recognizing that you can’t (and shouldn’t) meet all their needs, and that leaving space for not only God, but for other people, is good for both of you. 😀
Jason, this is so true for marriage, parenting AND ministry! It was something I really struggled with in the first few years of our marriage. God has surrounded us with some amazing people (ahem–you’re one of them), and they are so good for us!
Loved this Melissa…. how naive we start out! Marriage and children are most definitely a sifting of the heart and soul. Beautiful honesty 🙂
“a sifting of the heart and soul.”
That makes me think of the image so common in the bible of threshing. The weightier things get sifted to the bottom and the unnecessary gets blown away. Thanks for sharing that, Kay!
Threshing…that’s an interesting thought!…the step after harvesting that loosens the chaff from the grain. A process that requires beating the grain to separate the good stuff! Some times it sure feels like we are getting a good ole threshing (or thrashing!) as the layers are peeled away to reveal the beauty within.
Oh my… once again, you connect right to my heart! “Reading a few books does not an expert make”…. Hmm…. How many times have I felt that I just “know” and then get kicked in the head because what I thought, what I believed… just wasn’t enough. I love, too, the idea of those hidden truths of decay, too. Just know, however, that I think that you are amazing. 🙂
Thanks, Mary Jo! 🙂 I guess it’s true that the older you get, the less you know. Haha! Just don’t tell my dad I said that.
Oh fantastic, yes! And me too. I’m always astounded by the new.layers of selfishness I discover with.each new.child. Thanks for linking up!
I so missed this last week, Lisa-Jo! I love the community it’s created, and your prompts always bring out something unexpected. Thanks for hosting! 🙂
Oh, Melissa……..YOU ENDED WITH A CLIFFHANGER :).
I remember thinking similar thoughts; the day I “didn’t have time to go to the bathroom” when I had only one daughter…and ended the day with tears streaming down my face, I recall thinking “Your life is not your own.” That’s so foreign to me now; life has tenderly taught me how to manage those difficult times a little better, but mostly accept ’em.
Yes, friend, love is hard and you’ve characterized it perfectly.
🙂
I realized how much I’ve changed in this as I stood at my husband’s work yesterday, in a vomit soaked shirt, holding my sick 10-month-old. I was laughing. You know when you can laugh at throw up that you’re doing better than you were. Like you said, “life has tenderly taught me how to manage those difficult times a little better, but mostly accept ’em.” Kids are going to create messes, life is not going to happen as planned, and I can fight it and stress over it or just clean myself off and move forward.
Thanks for stopping by, Robin!! 🙂
Just stopped by from the Gypsy Mama link up.
And oh.my.word. I have thought the very same things. Children have especially stripped me down. Because it is constant. They need me all the time and the choice to either serve or to protect my self-interests is one that I face daily. Thank you for this.
It is constant! Which is why I have moments where I hide in the bathroom. 🙂 After a couple of minutes to breath, I can come back out and face it all again. Haha! Thanks for stopping by!
The hard part about love is having to actually “show it”. I was comfortable by just saying it. But that’s impossible. Love is an action word… it demands action.
So true, Moe! Saying it is important, but the actions that accompany those words are very weighty. 🙂 Happy Easter!
Trust is the hardest part about love for me, Melissa. It’s risk – jumping with no idea of where I’ll land.
Trust is hard in love. The hardest part for me is learning to trust someone again after they’ve broken your trust. It’s definitely a risk…
So relate-able, Melissa. Thank you!
Thanks, Theresa! 🙂
love this perspective! even though i don’t have a man or babies yet…definitely fun to see through your eyes =)
Thanks, Katy! 🙂
You do such a great job on these Fridays! I love this, Melissa.
I’ve had the same realizations too. And, I have to work hard to become LESS selfish and not MORE selfish because of the life I now have. Good think I have folks like you to help keep me in check. Love ya, girl!
There’s something about setting a limit to my writing time that helps me to just write and not think about it. I think too much, and hold myself back because I worry what people will think about this word, or that image. I appreciate the encouragement, Keri. 🙂
It is so good to live in community with people, and be accountable to them. I know that there are things I’ve put out here on my blog that are solely responsible for keeping me in line. I know people will notice I’ve gone back on my word. haha!
You’re a mom now – that’s what peels away the selfish and replaces the “ish” with a “less” – the more moms I read – and I have read tons now – the more I know this to be true. Five well spent minutes I think 🙂 Anyway, the Last dinner of Thursday is behind, the dark but “Good” Friday is past, the in between Saturday was yesterday – today is for rising – Happy Easter to you and all of yours Melissa. God Bless.