The pain. The feeling that it will never end. The intense desire to be anywhere else, doing anything other than this.
No, I’m not already dreading labor; that’s not for 4 more months. I’m talking about being a stay-at-home mom. Somedays, though, it feels as intense and ongoing as birth.
Yesterday I was reminded just how blessed I truly am…
Nap time is over and one tousle-haired, puffy-eyed, pouty-lipped child at a time comes padding down the hall to the living room. First Elijah, then Cora, come and cuddle with me on the couch. We turn on a movie so they can wake up slowly (and so Josh can finish his homework with minimal distraction).
The smell of Ezra’s diaper alerts me to his need to be changed…which causes me to move from the couch to the living room floor.
Like little marbles Elijah and Cora follow me and once again cuddle up against me there on the floor.
Those warm, snuggly little bodies seem to fit so easily in my lap (despite the ever-growing belly).
Moments like this remind me of how lucky I am to be a mom. It makes my heart ache for those people who have experience loss and pain in their efforts to have their own children. It’s moments like these that I will treasure in my heart just as Luke describes Mary doing when Jesus was a baby.
Did she ever see Him in His ministry and want her baby boy back all to herself? Was there a moment when she felt separated from Him and longed for those treasured newborn moments of stillness and intimacy?
I’m not quite sure where that came from, but I’m going to leave it.
My point is…as irritated and overwhelmed as I can sometimes feel, I know that today was a treasured moment that I will look back on when they’re all teenagers and busy with their own lives. This moment when I’m able to hold all 3.5 of them in my lap.
What are you thankful for today?
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Being a stay-at-home Mommy too, one who blogs for release and fellowship, I wonder, how did they survive before computers?? I guess they found ways to meet, out of desperation to connect like we do here. Stay-at-home Mommies, its a tough job, but in the end we’ll love every minute of it. I’m sharing your pains and joys. Thanks for posting yours.
I have no idea how my mom didn’t go crazy! She was 24 by the time she’d had all three of us and I know we weren’t easy. 🙂 It does make it a little easier to know that we’re not alone. Thanks for commenting!
As the mama of a 16, 13 and 12 year old- none of which can fit comfortably in my lap anymore and one of which is taller than me, you are very wise to unwrap that gift now..in the moment. They grow up sooo fast!
You mean they get bigger?! I don’t know if I can deal with that! Thanks for the encouragement and blessings to you in a house full of teens. I think I’m going to need a special kind of grace then.
Love the picture of the 3 kiddo’s! Such a great reminder to not let these moment’s with our kids pass without remembering to really appreciate them!
Since you asked:
Today, I am thankful for some special one on one time with my youngest little guy Z (I have to be careful since your blog is public). I am thankful that God is teaching me how to trust Him with Z’s future. I am thankful that God loves Z more than I can comprehend. He loves Z more than I do. I am thankful for what God is teaching me about what it means to truly be used by Him, even when we I may not get my way. Even when not getting my way, may be the most painful thing I will ever face. I am thankful that God loves me and can use me even though I am stubborn, and weak, and selfish. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To raise a baby from birth, love him as my own for 2 years, and face the possibility of saying goodbye. I am thankful for Z. So thankful. And I truly treasure every moment I have with him.
Dana,
I’m praying for you and your family, just as I know you are, that God’s perfect plan for Z is fulfilled. You might characterize yourself as stubborn, weak and selfish…but I see such a strength in you and your husband in your willingness to follow God no matter what path He’s leading you down. I can’t imagine having to face the uncertainty you’re dealing with right now. God bless you and protect your heart through this time.
Love ya roomie!
Being a full-time mommy is the hardest job you’ll ever do, but so worth it. I can’t imagine not having experienced it for myself, especially now that mine is 23. Everything else can wait. Childhood doesn’t wait. Bless you, Mom.
I can’t even imagine my little babies being that age. 🙂 I’m having a hard enough time with my brother being 25 and getting married this summer.
Oh is it ever hard! I know. There are days when I think, “I simply cannot do this.” And then there are the days of which you speak, days that you really treasure the blessing of your babies.
Sometimes I think those hard days are there just to remind us how good the good days are. 🙂
It is so hard to treasure the now when some of the now is a smelly diaper. It is a blessing to be a mama, you know it. And I’m sure on the days you don’t feel it…you are still a wonderful mama to your little blessings.
Great post.
Thanks for the encouragement! I think we all have those days when we cry out to God “I can’t do this!” But He always brings peace, discernment and patience when I ask for it. Glad you stopped by. 🙂
I think about that all the time! Did Mary ever feel anger or jealousy as a Mother wanting her son just all to herself? I mean I know it’s God, but that’s her son. And then I am reminded that these aren’t really even our children. Only a loan from God entrusted to our care. *Sigh* I suppose we just have to love them as much as we can WHILE we can. Even as brief as it may be.
Love the blog and thanks for stopping by!
*Big sigh* I am already preparing myself for when I’m not the most important person in their life. My oldest starts Kindergarten next September and I don’t know how I’m going to cope. The idea of him spending the majority of his day away from me and with people I won’t know makes me so sad. I’m excited for him and everything he will learn – but it’s the beginning of his independence. Thanks for the comment. 🙂
*sigh* so beautiful. Thank you for sharing these sweet thoughts. I can never hear this enough.
Thanks for providing the inspiration. It’s good for me to pause and appreciate. I don’t think I can ever say it enough. 🙂