And then Silas threw up on me…
Thursday night last week, rather than spending the evening out at some fancy restaurant celebrating my ten year anniversary with my husband, I was sitting in a vomit-soaked sweatshirt at Urgent Care with Silas. He has pneumonia. Yes, it’s sad. Yes, he’s getting better. No, I’m not telling you this to get sympathy.
Last week was rough. Uncharacteristically, we had something every night of the week. We cared for our children and tried to catch a few hours sleep, rotating between our overcrowded bed and the living room sofa.
We kept saying we missed each other.
Today I figured it out.
It’s been a week since we finished our 21-day fast. For three weeks Josh and I shut off the media to spend time together seeking God; praying, reading scripture and classic devotionals, and worshiping. There were some nights that didn’t turn out the way we’d planned, but for the most part we experienced moments of peace together after our children were in bed.
It was lovely.
Then last week happened.
And I saw how quickly I can abandon the good habits God cultivates in me. We were distracted, rushed and overwhelmed…in a week with only four work days.
I forgot the very things God was speaking to me during my fast:
{Live sacrifice.}
Put down the book/remote/computer/smart phone/distraction and spend some time grafted into Him.
{Conflict isn’t always an attack from the Enemy…}
Sometimes it’s God dredging up the gunk from the bottom so it can be skimmed off the surface. Instead of looking at times of tension or frustrations with Josh, the kids, a situation as a hinderance, I need to pause and ask God if He’s showing me something that needs to be discarded.
{Expectations are not the same as expectancy.}
When I have expectations for how I think life should go, I limit God and others from working in my life in unforeseen ways. Expectancy is thinking and hoping that something will happen.
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In John 15 Jesus talks about our relationship with Him, using the example of a vineyard. We are branches attached to Him, the vine. When grafting in a branch to the rootstock, cuts are made. Then the grafted branch gets tied to the root, held there in place until it can remain on its own.
Cuts have been made in my life, and right now God is holding me close to Him; supporting me as I press in further and grow attached to the root, Jesus.
Rather than feel discouraged about my inability to support myself, I lean fully into God and draw closer to the source of my strength.
Now it’s time to shut off the computer…
For those of you who joined us in our time of fasting, I would love to hear a testimony of what you experienced!
If you weren’t fasting with us, what is something that God showed you over the weekend?
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i love this:
“Expectations are not the same as expectancy.”
i feel like so often recently i have allowed expectations to ruin and overshadow so much of my life. and i hate that. i think i need to be living expectantly, with hope and not fear of what is coming in the days ahead. i often vacillate between expectations and utter despair and anxiety. which i hate. there is a part of me that is so scared to believe the Lord may actually have good things ahead for me with so much ick being my closest friend for so long. but then when i do seem to believe it suddenly becomes expectations without taking a pit-stop in the land of moderation.
thanks for this reminder today friend. . .love you. . .
I forgot to partially credit that to my friend Tony. 🙂 I think he mentioned it first in my post on expectations, and it really struck a chord with me. Expectations are hard, because we can look at them as dreams. We’re just hoping for the future. Then they become what we think God should do in our life. I hate being out of control, even with God who has my best in mind. I want to know the plan, the path and the purpose. Praying for you in this time of expectancy, Lauren. God does have beautiful things in store for you.
Over the weekend…hmm, the bathroom reno continues and I continue to be grouchy, disgruntled and unhappy about the whole thing. I’m getting a new bathroom for goodness sake! You would think I would be happy about that. It’s an attitude of gratitude that constantly escapes me. 🙁 My cynical, untrusting, impatient spirit breeds a lot of tension in our home. I found myself thinking, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”-as if I could stand on that, as if I was owed my happiness. It’s all pretty ridiculous, petty, and entitled. I’m so American it makes me sick. 🙁 I’m still wondering how to get out of this slump.
Oh, Keri! I felt much the same way recently. Caught up in the details of my life and entitled. Entitlement was probably my One Word for last year. Haha! Every where I turned God was showing me how entitled I think I am. It’s a hard path to walk. The upside is that God doesn’t reveal these things in our life to condemn us. He reveals what He wants to heal. How do you get out of it? Keep walking.
>>> “I saw how quickly I can abandon the good habits God cultivates in me”
I am the same way at times. Sometimes its baffling… One day, I say to myself, “This is what I want. God, thank you for developing this in me.” Then a week later, its all but forgotten. Melissa, thanks for sharing your 21-day journey with us. It’s certainly not over.
It certainly is not. 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement, Dustin.
Ugh, sorry to hear this. When my kids get sick is a guaranteed mood killer for me. You do have to be rooted in faith to see the grace through all of it. Thank you for sharing your experience, and most of all the benefits that came through faith and your fast. Highly encouraging.
Glad this post wasn’t just for me. Sometimes I feel like some of them are. Haha!
I agree with Lauren. That’s a great line.
It’s Tony’s. 🙂 Haha! Forgot that until I read it again. I blame it on sleep deprivation.
Melissa,
You said:
{Conflict isn’t always an attack from the Enemy…}
Sometimes it’s God dredging up the gunk from the bottom so it can be skimmed off the surface. Instead of looking at times of tension or frustrations with Josh, the kids, a situation as a hindrance, I need to pause and ask God if He’s showing me something that needs to be discarded.
———————–
In my spirit, where it matters, I am standing on my chair applauding your words. These words of yours are soaked in wisdom and that calm realization that it should never be, “Oh God, why is this happening to me?!”, but instead, “Father, okay, so what are you showing me about myself?”
Nicely said, Melissa. This mattered.