At 38 weeks and 6 days I felt anxious to see my baby. Although most women don’t feel overdue until after their 40th week, this was my fourth child and in the three previous pregnancies the baby had come at 38 weeks. I had never made it to my due date in the past. So although I wasn’t even close to being “technically” past due, I felt that my due date had come and gone. And isn’t that what it all comes down to: experience and expectation?
My experience with pregnancy had told me that I should have a newborn at that point. The sleepless nights I experienced should have been due to middle of the night feedings instead of frequent trips to the restroom. The aches and pains were supposed to be those of recent delivery, and not the seemingly ceaseless contractions I was experiencing.
Experience and expectation had let me down. I was left, floating along, knowing that the outcome would be the same, but somehow different. I would still have a newborn child, but the situation was one I had not anticipated. What if I went past my actual due date? The waiting was unforeseen.
Six days might not seem like a lot of difference to some, but each one had passed with a thud for me. Each day was full of moments that caused me to think, Is that a sign that it’s time? Is something wrong? Should I be doing more to make it happen?
Not only was I left with a sense of frustration that things hadn’t worked out how I thought they would, I somehow felt like a failure. Like if I would have tried harder my experience and expectations would have been realized.
Something inside me whispered that this had to do with more than my eagerness to see my unborn child and be done with the discomfort of pregnancy.
Today I’m posting over at Ungrind.org about hope, feeling heartsick and trusting in God.
I’d love for you to join me there!
And I know I’ve been absent from here for the past couple of days…
I promise I have some good stuff coming this week, but I’m still processing it all!