Thoughts from the Pot: My Mustache, My Friend

Thoughts from the Pot” are the random musings of a husband.

The thoughts and opinions presented below are not necessarily those of the host of this blog.

Thank you for your understanding.

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I have a beautiful mustache; beautiful like the Aurora Borealis or snow leopards.

Although I have a beard, my mustache is not a sad afterthought; rather it’s as if my nostrils have a lighthouse. My facial hair is a beacon of hope and comfort to all of the naked-face people out there. You may not be able to grow as luxurious and voluminous mansulation as myself,  but if you like you can stand near me and bask in the warmth of its glow.

 

It is not gaudy.

It is not overgrown.

It is well manicured, like a palace garden.

It goes well with uniforms and horses.

 

Gallantly astride my warhorse, Leopold, my mustache and I could lead a band of wily villagers into battle against a much larger force of highly trained mercenaries. “Onward Leopold, onward wily villagers! Attack! Attack and die so that you may truly live!” I would sustain seventeen life-threatening injuries, but my radiant sun-like mustache would remain untarnished. It’s magical powers would protect me like a totem.

I write this not to brag (not true), not to gloat (also, not true) but to say goodbye. The same torrent of emotions courses through me as the day I buried proud Leopold. Anger, frustration and sadness; immense and looming like a thunderhead.

The time has come, the students are returning to the college where I cook, and as much as the world may enjoy the unicorn/sphinx-like magic of my facial hair, they probably don’t want to chew on it.

Josh discovered that to Abide with me, he must Sacrifice the mustache.

 

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51 Comments

  1. kelybreez says:

    I want to know if it’s helps while pillaging hamlets.

    And I just have to say, there is a wide chasm of juxtaposition between your title box — “Abide in me, and I in you” — and the exposition on facial mansulation.

    And, last thing. Couldn’t you just wear a plastic bag over your head to keep your beard and moostache out of the food?

    1. Melissa says:

      There is a wide chasm of juxtaposition between my husband and myself…which is why it all works so well. We’re unexpected. :) And someone please take a picture of my husband wearing a plastic bag on his face while at work, cause I need a good laugh today!

    2. The Husband says:

      I tried the bag thing. It got real hot and I felt dizzy.

  2. lara says:

    This is hilarious. What a thought-ful man you have, to ponder the mourning of his mustache.

    1. Melissa says:

      It was a sad, sad day for him…Ha!

    2. The Husband says:

      The depths of my emotions know no bounds

  3. amber says:

    I laughed so hard reading this!! I almost feel sorry for Josh having to shave it. And yet, I’m slightly relieved that I won’t have to meet the ‘stache next week…. mainly so Eric isn’t tempted to grow one as well…

    1. Melissa says:

      I have been begging him to get rid of the ridiculous stache for over a month now. Especially when he put hair wax in it to sculpt it into the “english” style (why do I know this?!) I’m grateful to have saved you from your own facial hair fight. :)

    2. The Husband says:

      How dare you! You would have been blessed to meet my mustache! He told wonderful stories.

  4. Tony Alicea says:

    That is, in fact, a fantastical moustache. If I weren’t so manly myself, I might have shed a tear to see it go.

    “He must sacrifice the mustache”, haha love it! That is a good man for you, Melissa.

    1. Melissa says:

      He is a good man! :) I did not shed a tear in seeing it go. Haha!

    2. The Husband says:

      “If I weren’t so manly myself, I might have shed a tear to see it go.” I know you cried.

  5. Kelly Sauer says:

    LOL – I’m so stealing your have-the-hubby-write-random-at-the-blog idea. Love it!

    1. Melissa says:

      Do it! I’d love to read something from him. I think it’s fun for you all to get to meet my other half. We’ve been together since we were 17-years-old, so he’s definitely been a major influence in my life. :)

    2. The Husband says:

      If he is better than me I’ll cry. I don’t know if this has come across in my writings, but I am a very sensitive person. A delicate flower.

  6. JennyRain says:

    Hilarious! you guys crack me up!

    1. Melissa says:

      *Smirk* Thanks, Jenny! :)

      1. The Husband says:

        The smirk confuses me. I’m new.

        We are delightful though aren’t we?

  7. lauren says:

    bahaha. . .love the last note from you lis. . .:)

    1. Melissa says:

      Gotta tie it in, right?! Haha!

    2. The Husband says:

      That’s cool. I only worked on this post for hours… and hours. Do you know how long it took to get that look down in the picture?! That’s the result of 47 photo-booth pictures! My eyebrows were so tired!

      But yeah… that’s fine. Her note was cute. :)

  8. Jason says:

    Love the Sherlock Holmes pic.

    1. Melissa says:

      He worked very hard on that. Haha! Thanks, Jason.

    2. The Husband says:

      I am a beautiful man

  9. Keri says:

    I’m so happy for Melissa right now. Condolensces to Josh.

    1. Melissa says:

      *Snort* Great comment! :)

    2. The Husband says:

      Thank you. …Thank you. My upper lip thanks you.

  10. Dana says:

    I want to see an after picture..

    And I find it hilarious Josh uses top of the head :) hair products on his mustache… That gives me a patentable idea… Mustache pomade… :)

    1. Melissa says:

      Gotta be manscaped! :) Haha!

    2. The Husband says:

      It made my facial hair look two beautiful red feathered swans had perched in my nostrils.

  11. Melissa says:

    laughing away over here!!! and oh, how i need a good, hearty laugh today! when i saw Josh’s first post I kept nodding my head… especially because i had just been arguing about the husbters “special time” in the throne room! i’m terrible, i know! but this. this leads me to believe that josh is destined for stand up comedy. may his stash rest in peace…

    1. Melissa says:

      We’re holding a memorial service this weekend. :) Heehee!

    2. The Husband says:

      I’m really glad you liked it

  12. Julie Anne says:

    I love my husband’s facial hair. He does a once a year shave and i get mad every time! :)

    1. The Husband says:

      You should teach classes… seriously.

    2. You’re not helping my cause! Actually, I also really like Josh’s facial hair. I just don’t like ridiculous mustaches. :)

  13. April says:

    HAHA! I love it! You must laugh all the time, which is a great thing because life is too short not to laugh!

  14. The Husband says:

    I know right! I am so much fun. She is in a constant state of wonder and joy.

  15. Haley says:

    A delicate flower.

    Dear Josh,
    We need more of you in our lives (we, Luke & Haley, not we, the blogging community…Although we, the blogging community ARE enjoying you quite a bit). Anyway, please know that if the time comes when we can live close and have more of you in our lives, it will be with mixed emotions that I shout “Hooray!” and weep tears of excitement. I will also be feeling a deep, silent dread for what this might mean for my husband’s face. He will surely join you in the boycott of wifely face-approval, and I will then weep tears of mourning.
    Always,
    Haley
    P.S. Please come home.

    Dear Melissa,
    I bought Luke 2 very real-looking face ‘staches at the theatre supply store (2 different styles, for variety). He loves them. It has tempered his “need” for a mustache. I’d be happy to pick up a few for Josh if he is ever burdened with the desire to grow one again. ;-)
    All My Love,
    Haley
    P.S. Good job being a selfless, loving wife and “letting” him grow it to begin with. I really should be more like you.

    1. Haley says:

      Oops. I meant to say:
      A delicate flower. I died. ;-)

    2. Melissa says:

      That is hilarious, Haley! :) I never would have thought of buying Josh fake mustaches. Haha! Honestly, I don’t really have a choice, meaning that I’m so distracted by everything else going on around me that I didn’t notice what he was doing until he’d had it for a week. Maybe I just need to be more proactive about my defense.

      1. Haley says:

        Not really having a choice is why I put “letting” in quotes! ;-) I know that Luke is just doing me a favor by not growing one, but he knows that I would be okay if he did…Kinda like the bearded phase he went through awhile back. Not my favorite, but we still managed to have 2 kids somehow… Haha!

        1. Melissa says:

          I’m pretty sure that Luke uses some sort of magical elixir on his facial hair.

          In other news, can’t wait to see you and the rest of the crew! Melissa is as giddy as a school girl

          1. The Husband says:

            That was actually me… you may have guessed that…

  16. Prudence says:

    hilarious. my husband doesn’t usually shave consistently when we’re on vacation. he always asks me the night before if he should shave it all off. i tell him i don’t care either way. i like both. he always shaves.

    1. Melissa says:

      This saddens me. Greatly.

      1. The Husband says:

        No no no. Melissa is not sad. Nope not sad. I’m Josh (The Husband) and I am sad. Partly because I forgot to log Melissa out.

  17. taylor says:

    My Leopold rest in peace and may Josh’s soul find something to live for. I wish I could be at the service, I send my love and condolences. Miss you both!

    1. The Husband says:

      Leopold would have loved you. Part of the reason would be because he loved to pose for pictures and the rest of the reason would be because everyone loves you.

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