A Change is on the Horizon

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This September Elijah will begin half-day Kindergarten.

I’m terrified!

That I won’t know what he’s learning.

That I won’t know who he’s spending time with.

That I’m losing him.

I thought about home schooling him. I want to just keep him home with me all day. We’d do field trips to the zoo, museums, etc.

I talked about it with Josh, my mom, my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law said to pray about it.

God said no.

Homeschooling is not for me, not for Elijah, not for right now.

Those fears I have, they’re mine. They are me not trusting that He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world.

People told me that I have enough on my plate with the three other children at home, that it would be too much to try to add homeschooling to that.

The thing is, sending Eli to school out of our home does not mean I’m exempt from teaching him. It is still my responsibility to train him up in the way he should go. Also, to stay connected with what he’s learning in school means helping him with his homework, asking him questions about his day, helping out in his class. There’s still effort required of me.

So yesterday we went out and bought Eli a new backpack and lunch box for school. Because he’s going to school. {Gulp}

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25 Comments

  1. Dana says:

    this made me cry..and gulp! :) I’m sending my oldest off to kindergarten in September too! The fear is hard to shake so thank you for the reminder that God is in control!!

    1. Melissa says:

      It’s a reminder that I am having to give myself every time I think about it! :) Praying for you as you send your boy off as well!

  2. Danielle says:

    Aw, I’ll be praying for you this fall, I’m sure it’s hard! I was homeschooled for 12 years and am thinking of doing so with the boys, but can’t imagine attempting it with a newborn in the house. Kudos to you for even considering. And don’t forget, you can always change your mind another year. :)

    Those beginning to let go steps are so hard and start so early, don’t they? I’ll pray that every time you feel panic, instead you’ll turn to pray for your boy (and yourself). Can’t beat the power of that!

    1. Melissa says:

      Thanks Danielle! My husband was homeschooled for high school and he grew up with a family who were homeschooled their entire school career. Sometimes homeschoolers get a bad rap, but some of the most creative, confident and outgoing people I know are homeschooled. My plan at this point is to take it one year at a time, and keep communication with God and Elijah open regarding it.

      This is painful, more so because he’s the first. Thanks for the prayers! They’re much appreciated.

  3. Prudence says:

    In some ways I think you will teach him more than he’ll ever learn in school. Math and read are important, but loving God and serving Him and loving & serving others are far more important.

  4. Janelle says:

    When is his first day of school? I’ll be praying for you both :)

    1. Melissa says:

      I don’t know. I’m such a bad mom. I put off registering him (cause I was flying to WA & having a baby & all). Now I have to wait till the school office opens up again. :)

  5. Anna says:

    That seems like such a difficult decision! I love how you said no matter if he’s going to school or not, it’s still your job to train him. I was homeschooled my entire life… except for kindergarten. :-) And I do have good memories from that year!

    Came here via Danielle’s blog. :-)

    1. Melissa says:

      Nice to “meet” you Anna! Thanks for adding your perspective. It seems like people have such strong opinions one way or the other about schooling their children…the only way I can make this decision is discovering what I feel God is prompting me to do. Glad you clicked over…isn’t Danielle great?! :)

  6. jasonS says:

    Our youngest (of 3) finished kindergarten last year. There are so many emotions tied up in it all! I know it’s even harder for the mothers. Glad fear isn’t in control–that’s never a good way to make decisions. :)

    1. Melissa says:

      Does it get easier with the second (or third)? :)

      1. jasonS says:

        You would think (or hope), but I don’t really think it does! I’m sure you’d probably be suspicious if I said it did get easier anyway! :)

        1. Melissa says:

          You coulda lied this once, Jason! :) Haha! I’m sure it’s going to be hard with each. What will be weird is when the two older ones are in school and I’m home with the two boys. I can’t imagine not having Eli & Cora at home.

  7. Ashley says:

    “sending Eli to school out of our home does not mean I’m exempt from teaching him”

    So true! So many parents, both Christian and non-Christian, expect the school system they enroll their children in to “take over parenting”. As parents, regardless of where our kids attend school, it is ALWAYS our responsibility to train them in the Lord and to be sure they are learning Biblical truths – even if it means “re-teaching” them contrary to what they’re learning in school.

    Thanks for this perspective. Prayers for you as you transition!

    1. Melissa says:

      Thanks for the prayers! They’re much appreciated.

      I found, attending private school, that so many parents assumed it was the school’s job to teach their kids about God. It’s still so vital that we model a mature Christian walk and take time to impart those daily life lessons that will occur. Even in my private school there were things that I was taught that were contrary to what my parents believed. You can never just give up control to others unless you’re willing to live with those consequences.

      Thanks for your comment. :)

  8. @bibledude says:

    I can SO relate! We homeschooled our boy for Kindergarten, and he just didn’t get the social interaction that he needed. He was going loopy, and it drove my wife up the wall at times!

    So he just finished First Grade in (gulp) public school. And we went through ALL of the same exact feelings. But he loved it, he thrived in that environment, and we (my wife and I) are both VERY pleased with that decision.

    Now he’s going into Second Grade, and we have many of the same fears, but we are trusting God to watch over him… again. And He will yours too!

    Great post!
    Dan

    1. Melissa says:

      Thanks so much for the encouragement, Dan. I wasn’t going to post this post because I thought it was trivial, but so many have identified with what I’m experiencing and have encouraged me through their own stories and prayers. Yet another reason why I love blogging!

  9. bagyojose says:

    hello i am here…nice info..

    1. Melissa says:

      Glad you’re here! :)

  10. Kathleen says:

    My oldest is starting kindergarten–in his case, full-day, so your thoughts resonate. Although I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum from you on reactions…I’m quite ready for him to be out of the house. LOL. Does that make me a bad mom???

    1. Melissa says:

      Haha! There are definitely days when I dream about them all being in school full-time. You are in no way a bad mom for having those feelings. :) I know he’s ready too and it’ll be the best thing for him. I just don’t like the idea of him being away from me with people I don’t know…so really it’s a control issue. :)

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