Excuse me while I rant a bit…

Courtesy of photobucket.com

Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 1 Corinthians 1:20

I feel like I’m full up on anecdotes, advice and self-help.

This year I challenged myself to read 35 books I’d never read before. So far I’ve read some pretty good ones. Plus, I have a number of books on my list of “Coming Attractions.” The problem is, people keep saying how life changing these books are for them. They’re being “wrecked” by these authors and the things that they’re learning.

For me…nothing’s soaking in. I feel like I’m on information overload; a spiritual dunce. It’s all foolishness to me because I’m not pairing it with the workings of the Spirit in my life. I have blogs I follow, sermons I listen to, magazines I subscribe to, and these books I’m reading. But nothing’s getting below the surface.

Is it because I have no outlet for what I’m ingesting? Have I become a glutton for advice on Christian living and ministry leadership? I feel swollen with facts and knowledge.

Even the things I write here, the insights I receive about my life. Have they just become things I share without actually allowing them to impact my life?

Lately I’ve been having a strong urge to sell everything we own, pack up our necessities and move to South Africa. I want my children (and myself) to be more grateful for the things we have. I feel incumbered by the trappings of the OC lifestyle. I want to purge, simplify and think about others before myself.

But even this longing isn’t pure. I don’t feel like the main reason behind it is to help others, but to help myself and my family. South Africa is the destination because I’ve been reading a lot about it lately…not because I’ve felt a particular calling from God to go there.

Does anyone else feel this way? This discontent, this overload of information? I want to get my hands dirty. I want to know I’m useful to God.

Maybe my nesting is taking form in wanting to clean up my life, instead of just my kitchen…

(Sign up to get this blog by email or subscribe in a Reader)

[tweetmeme = Melissa_Rae]


16 thoughts on “Excuse me while I rant a bit…

  1. Praying that the Lord reveal His desires and the reasons behind the sense of unrest in your spirit.

    I believe He’s up to something big and you’ll know sooner than you imagine.

    1. What a wonderful prayer! Thank you. I too know that God has something big in store for us…starting with the very soon arrival of Baby #4. :)

  2. I’ve sooooo gone thru seasons like this… some long seasons, some short seasons. God always does some amazing things in these times of my life. Praying that as you enter this new phase of your life God will show you what He wants you to see with all this :)

    1. Thanks Jenny…it is partly because of your recent posts that this is rising in me. Haha! I love hearing what you have to say about what God’s doing in South Africa. :)

  3. I know exactly what you mean. There’s definitely a saturation point with all the information, no matter how good. I feel this way sometimes with blog reading, other reading, listening, watching–I think, where is this going?

    I think you’re right though. We have to do something with what we learn for it to stick and become more than theory. We are meant to experience the truth and life of God and that only comes through obedience. There are several things in my life right now that I am preparing to step into, but I am honestly scared on how it will all work and how to do it all. I know that I have to obey though. I feel the same wrestling and rustling that you do…

    Praying for you and though I don’t like that you’re feeling the same pressure as I am, it’s good to know I’m not alone. :)

    Thanks Melissa.

    1. I’d love to! Logistically missions trips are out of the question for the next year though. :) Sounds like a great experience.

  4. this is interesting. i remember feeling this way a bit 2 years ago. we actually were thisclose to moving to south africa. we were 1/2 way through with our international missionary training. then, because of several factors, it didn’t happen. mixed in there i became [literally] deathly ill while pregnant w/ bianca, she came healthfully & then clay was revealed to us. i always knew in my heart that south africa [at that time] wasn’t really the plan for us, but for whatever reason, we were supposed to proceed that far. maybe to aid us while traveling to uganda or to open our eyes/hearts even more to the orphan crisis….maybe to continue it in the future.
    ANYWAY, what i’m trying to say is that i know that His plan isn’t always clear to us, but my prayer will just be that your heart is open to His plan. that you receive whatever calling He has for you each day with grace.

    1. Wow! What a great story! My husband and I are confident that God has a plan for us and that in His timing He will reveal it to us. The problem is that I’m impatient and I like to try to anticipate what He’s doing. :) God knows me though and knows that if He gives me too much info I’ll quit relying on Him and just run with what I think He’s doing. Haha! I make it harder on myself then it needs to be.

  5. Oh girl, I have been in that place for some time now. So much so, that I don’t want to take one more class, or read one more book. I feel like a wet sponge that can’t absorb much more. I want the Lord to wring me out, so I can soak in the new. But, what does that look like…..? I want to know that I can use/apply what I’ve soaked in so far. If its useless then what’s the point? I don’t know? I need to ponder that thought some more. But it is nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Wow, Regina. Such an amazingly honest post. I think it is only be analyzing where we are and asking questions can we go forward successfully in life. I am glad that you are doing just that.


  7. is it that you’re not pairing it with the Spirit, or that He is simply not speaking it to you? growth is so overrated. what seems to us like years of work may need only an hour when He is moving in us. the tree does not decide one day to bear fruit, it just does. it ripens when the seasons change in God’s time. don’t overburden yourself. this may just be your waiting time, your listening time, your still time.

    1. Kelly! That is so insightful and not at all something I would have thought of. That’s why I love the community the internet can create. Of course I always assume that He’s wanting me to grow and change. But, I need to start recognizing that He also provides us with periods of rest, strengthening and stillness. Thank you for sharing that idea with me.

  8. Maybe they haven’t “taken root” because the message in them was something you already know, and are doing right. Nobody is perfect, but we can’t expect that EVERY Christian book or article is written with our special issues in mind.
    Just a thought.

Comments are closed.