I hate waiting for things.
If I’m in a traffic jam, I’ll pull off and take back streets, even if I’d get there in the same amount of time. At least then I feel like I’m moving forward instead of twiddling my thumbs sitting still.
This last part of pregnancy is so difficult for me. The waiting – the uncertainty of the immediate future.
This weekend I had a lot of contractions. At one point they were 3 minutes apart. But, I knew it wasn’t time. It’s still too early, things stopped when I rested. As eager as I am to meet Baby #4…to hold him, look into his eyes and discover who he is…he’s not ready yet.
Waiting has been a large part of my life lately. In so many areas I feel like I’m having to sit idly by and submit to God’s timing. It is completely out of my control.
There’s the kicker, isn’t it? Control.
I have an unhealthy relationship with control. I like to have a plan, to know what’s next. I don’t like uncertainty.
The disciples must have felt much the same way as they prepared for Jesus’ ascension and He commanded them to wait in Jerusalem. Their lives were pretty crazy at that time: Jesus was arrested, crucified, came back to life and now He’s leaving again? They had sacrificed so much in following Him and they had no control about what the future held. Now, they were being told to wait for what the Father had promised?
They had no way of knowing with any certainty what would be the next step. I’m sure none of them were expecting fire from heaven to alight on them and for them to begin speaking in other tongues. All they knew was that they could trust Jesus…
Right now, that’s all I know too. Eventually this baby will be born. At some point God will show us the next step for what He has for us. Those struggles I’ve been dealing with will someday ease as I continue to look to Him. He’s not going to leave us in our present condition.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6
Anyway, these are just the ramblings of a very pregnant momma who is not getting enough sleep and can’t sit comfortably for longer than 5 minutes.
On a side note: I cleaned my kitchen top to bottom today…including the fridge and stove. Nesting much?
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