It’s that time again…when everyone lists the things that they don’t like about themselves and want to change.
So, what’s it gonna be for me this year?
Lose weight…well, that’s not possible until after June because of the small child growing inside of me. But, I could always eat healthier and exercise more.
How about commit to spending daily quiet times so that my relationship with God increases? That’s a good one…but what I don’t need more of is guilt, which would be the inevitable result of that resolution because realistically a pregnant mother of three small children isn’t guaranteed a “quiet time” each day.
Ok, what’s next? Be a better steward of my finances…that’s usually at the top of the list. That’s something that I’ve been working on, of necessity, since I quit my job and became a full-time stay-at-home mom. I clip coupons, make a budget and actually end up saving a lot — $100 at my last grocery trip. So I think I’m doing ok there.
So what do I feel like my resolution for this year should be?
I’m going to cut myself some slack.
For those of you who don’t know me that well, I am a perfectionist. Constant feelings that I should be doing more or doing better plague me. So, this year I’m resolving that I am doing good enough.
Wow! That’s hard to write. Now I feel like this is an excuse to not grow or improve. It’s not that. I just want to have a realistic view of what I’m capable of in this time of my life.
Since I started writing a year ago I have noticed a theme in what I put out there for others. Almost everything I write is related to some sort of change that I want to make in my life. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think that the Christian life should be one of perpetual growth and improvement.
However, the Christian life is also one of grace. Too often I focus on the things I’m supposed to do and the person I’m supposed to be. While I believe that all of the prompts towards change in my life have been from God, I think that the guilt and shame I feel accompanying them are not.
I’d like this year to be a year of grace for me, one where I acknowledge my inability to do everything and be everything. This has already begun as a result of the sickness I experienced in the first trimester and I know that what I’m capable of physically and mentally is only going to diminish as my pregnancy progresses. After that, of course, I’ll have a new baby to add into the mix of an already crazy household.