Five Minute Friday: Loss

Words have been hard to come by for me this week. As Josh and I prepared for our move, we talked about how differently we process change. He experiences the emotions prior to the change — the fear, grief, elation and anticipation — whereas I deal with it all once the change has occurred. These last couple of days have been difficult. For weeks I have been numb, going through the motions of saying goodbye and hello without any of the accompanying feelings. That is over, and I am currently slogging through it all…

…as you can see from my response to Lisa-Jo’s Five Minute Friday prompt: loss.

GO

Moving seems like dying to me. As I experience the loss of my grandma, I was amazed at how quickly life moved on without her. Yes, there was a mourning process, and I longed for her to come back. My kids still needed to be fed, though. Babies were born, people were married, groceries were bought; the mundane and the epic still occurred without her.

Life moves on in our old home without us. And for us, in this new place, we still need to do laundry and cook meals. It’s all just done in a new location.

Ezra won’t say goodnight to my mom. Each night we tell him to give her a kiss and say goodnight, and he says no. During the day he’s fine with her, it’s just that nighttime routine that he won’t budge on. He insists that this is not his house — and he’s right. This is not our home, it is my mom and step dad’s home which they have so graciously opened to us for our transitional period.

He feels a loss. What was normal is gone, and he’s set adrift in the unknown.

STOP

After a sporadic couple of weeks, I plan on returning to a more normal level of consistency around here next Monday. Have a great weekend!!

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Too Deep for Words

Friday my Grandma made the choice that she was done fighting.

My family have all spent the last few days in her hospital room; crying, laughing, sharing, comforting. I have spent the last few days mourning someone who’s still here…but lost to me. I was able to talk to her Saturday night on the phone, to tell her I love her and I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.

Now I sit and wait for a call to tell me the waiting is over. The doctors had said it would be a couple of days…those have come and gone. She’s always defied their predictions. She’s planning on going home today or tomorrow with hospice. But all plans are ultimately in His hands.

I have so much I’ve wanted to write, so much I’m thinking and feeling, but right now it’s still too deep.

Thank you for your prayers and support during this time. They are greatly appreciated and needed.

A picture from last May when my Grandma met Ezra for the first time.

“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;” ~Romans 8:26