I know I’m a tad late, but life around my house has been anything but quiet. The combination of a cold/flu epidemic and the Seattle Snowpocalypse has left me feeling somewhat flat and completely exhausted.

Therefore, a Five Minute Friday with the GypsyMama is exactly what the doctor ordered! Five minutes of uninterrupted writing and no post-editing! Perfect!

Today’s theme is: Tender.

I’m slightly rusty, but some words were able to spill out of my brain…

GO

There’s this space, between initial injury and total healing, where it still feels tender. That time where to look at the wound you’d see wholeness, but inside it’s not right.

Where caution is still required. To bump or touch it would cause pain; pain that frequently is unexpected. Because it’s not visible to the eye, there’s no constant reminder of hurt, you forget to be careful.

No longer are you cradling it, keeping it safe from the accidents of others. Rather you go about your normal life until the twinge of pain reminds you that all is not yet right.

Moments like this, soul moments like this, require us to turn again to Jesus. To ask ourselves how can this be healed more fully?

Sometimes there are infections to remove, people to address, hurts to forgive again. Usually, it just requires time and the soothing balm of the Holy Spirit.

In those days, hours even, where it can seem like you’ll never again be able to walk free or live with abandon…that’s when He comforts us and reminds us that all has been made new.

Just sometimes new can feel tender.

STOP

Don’t forget to take a moment to stop by at the GypsyMama’s place to check out what others had to say on today’s theme!

And hopefully I’ll see you back here next week. My goal is to post once a week from now on.

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Sitting at my kitchen table, staring at the flame burning inside a clementine rind, I began to think about emptiness.

Again.

Because this seems to be a common theme in my mind these days.

Originally that piece of fruit was appealing.

Ripe.

Juicy.

Satisfying.

Fulfilling it’s purpose: to be eaten.

I could have taken it, like I’ve done with so many of others, peeled off and discarded the rind, and been happy. I would not have walked away feeling like I’d missed out on something.

But…

This time I carefully removed what I’d once only viewed as trash. I turned my attentions to what was previously unimportant to me and came up with something beautiful. An experience that before revolved around taste became one of sight.

It caused me to think:

What do I view as discarded in my life that God wants to fill with light?

Am I missing out on something that would provide a new experience with Him because I’m satisfied with the norm?

How beautiful it is when we’re emptied out fully and filled again with all that is Him.

Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. {Genesis 1:2-3}

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Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

I always buy white grape juice or apple juice. The thought behind my purchase is that when (not if) one of my four children spills the juice on the carpet — even though we don’t allow them to take juice out of the kitchen — it will not stain because it’s a clear liquid.

Today I realized that I might be going about it all wrong.

As a sippy cup toting toddler meanders around the house leaving drips and spills, I may not be aware of them because they are clear. Unless I happen to see it occur, or step on a wet spot, that dribble of sugary beverage will remain in my carpet. Over a period of time, a dark spot will form from the dirt it collects as we walk over it. That sticky place in my living room becomes a magnet for dirt, crumbs and dust that would have otherwise been sucked up by the vacuum. 

Whether I serve a deeply red grape juice or a sparkling clear apple, I still end up on my knees working to remove the stain.

Maybe an immediately noticeable stain that is removed at once is better than one that hides below the surface and attracts the grime of life.

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In the next hour Josh would be home from work. I felt bad that once again dinner would not be hot and ready for him on the table. Not that he insists upon that, but it’s been cold here and I wanted that for him.

Peering into the too vacant pantry once again I prayed that my culinary imagination would come to my rescue.

We had tortilla chips…

and that was a can of black beans back in the corner…

Maybe if I combined some canned chicken with that barbecue sauce in the fridge…hmm…

Slowly a meal began to take shape. I’d never heard of barbecue nachos, but I was betting on them tasting good.

Pulling out a baking sheet, I combined all the ingredients, shoved them in the oven, and set the timer for ten minutes.

At the ding, I peeked in the oven and thought, “Well, they look good.” Hoping the kids would eat them, I called everyone to the table.

They were delicious!

Some of my favorite meals have come from the desperation found in pantry fatigue. Those concoctions that find the way to your table solely because you had nothing else to cook.

As I stacked the empty plates in the sink I felt God whisper to me:

“Sometimes the bare times preceded the best feasts.”

Those moments in life where you feel like you have nothing left within you to use.

Empty.

No where left to turn.

Depleted.

In that moment, the overlooked components can come together and create something new and unforeseen.

Sometimes we need a bare cupboard to find our best.

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I recieved two free tickets to attend Women of Faith‘s Over the Top event. I also mentioned my worry about attending women’s events after my poor track record with them. I decided to drag Keri, from Pop Parables, along with me. I figured if the conference was a bust, at least I’d get to spend some time with her.

“Get ready to be INSPIRED!”

We nearly jumped out of our seats as the announcement boomed over the PA system.

Turning to Keri, I giggled and said I expected a follow-up warning about keeping our arms and legs inside the ride at all times.

That’s when I began to think that Women of Faith was a lot like Disneyland. Here are a few of the other similarities I discovered:

1. Security

Before we were allowed in the Key Arena, where the Women of Faith Over the Top event was held, we were required to submit all of our bags to an inspection and dispose of any outside drinks. As I stared at the trash cans full to the brim with Starbucks holiday cups, I began to wonder what all of these women were faithful to (while at the same time rejoiced to find I am not the only one with that particular addiction). The idea that a bunch of Christian women needed their bags searched for explosives or weaponry was slightly ludicrous, but I understand the need for caution in this day and age. You never know what that much estrogen in one room could result in. What if they ran out of chocolate?!

2. Cheese!

No visit to Disneyland is complete without being accosted by the paparazi as soon as you pass through the gate. Keri and I were similarly approached as we walked through the arena entrance. I don’t know about her, but I was not ready for a group shot as I was still trying to figure out where we go next. As usual with these pictures, I’m left feeling dazed and confused and my face reflects that. Here’s that shot:

I am glad to have a picture of the two of us though. And, Keri looks good! It’s all about the memory, right?

3. The Cost of Living

Have you ever noticed that the cost of living at Disneyland is much higher than anywhere else? By that I mean…eating. I noticed the same to be true of the conference center. I had skipped lunch and dinner that day, so I needed to find something to tide me over. A bag of popcorn and a bottle of water to the rescue…only costing me $10. The next day’s snack of french fries and a coke cost me an additional $10. You’d think I would have learned my lesson the first time…and also, I should really eat better. 

4. Lights, Camera, Action!

As the event began on Friday night, I was blown away by the production aspect of it all. The show seemed worthy of a Disney street parade! I was confused by the use of pop music as the worship team sang about how we’re all family and girls wanting to have fun. I expected a refreshing time of worship after the long day I’d already had. Honestly, I cringed a little as I pictured a video of this being played on YouTube. It was slightly reminiscent of “The Holy Ghost Hokie Pokie.” It didn’t end there, Sandy Patti did an entire Disney medley after sharing her dream of being a Disney performer. It all was well done, but I had some trouble connecting it to being a woman of faith.

5. “Exit through the gift shop”

At Disneyland, every ride requires that you exit through a store full of “priceless” memorabilia to continue the magic at home. Overpriced mugs, stuffed animals, apparel  and more are thrown at you. The Women of Faith event had a marketplace where you could purchase books by WoF authors, CDs by WoF artists and so much more. As the conference progressed I began to see women everywhere walking around wearing the same purple shawl. Much like the Goofy hats at Disney, everyone purchases one, and I was left wondering if these women would ever where their shawl again after leaving the conference.

::

All joking aside, I must admit that as I left the Key Arena Friday night I was not holding out much hope for what the next day would bring. I felt discouraged that once again a women’s event had been overly cheesy and overly marketed. If not for the facts that the tickets for free and Keri was with me, I would have bailed.

But, I went back on Saturday…and I’m so glad I did.

Much like at Disneyland, it’s easy to focus on the cheese, the show, the overpriced EVERYTHING. You can get frustrated and irritated by it all. Or, you can push that aside and enjoy the magic with the people you’re with.

Here’s a few of my favorite moments from Saturday:

• Lisa Whelchel spoke on the difficulties that can accompany friendship with other women. She was funny, heartwarming and I feel like I really learned a lot from her presentation. One of my friends has read her book, Friendship for Grown Ups, and I have added it to my Wishlist.
• Patsy Clairmont was feisty and hilarious. She shared her son’s battle for health, and how difficult it is to watch people suffer. The lessons she came away with, and shared with us, on change were so helpful to me as I’m going through so much change in my own life.
• Selah. Oh man. I don’t even know what to say here. They’re amazing! Not only are they talented performers, but their personalities made me wish I could hang out with them. Allan Hall’s talent on the piano was displayed as he went through a line-up of 80s power ballads that he used to impress women. An extremely pregnant Amy Perry let us all in to the trials she was experiencing with maternity clothes and frequent trips to the bathroom. I was cracking up. My favorite part of the entire show was definitely watching Todd Smith’s daughter. She attended the conference with him, and was captivatingly adorable. Whenever the jumbo-tron camera panned to her you could see her jump like she’d been stung by a bee, and then try to act happy about being on the spot. She shared candies with the WoF speakers on their “front porch” and by the end of the conference she was up on the stage dancing with everyone. So cute!!

All of the WoF production was well done and enjoyable. The best part for me had nothing to do with it, though. Driving back and forth to Seattle with Keri, chatting with her between the sessions, and having coffee together overlooking the Seattle Center was exactly what I needed. Women need connection, conversation and…caffeine…and chocolate! The opportunity to experience this event with a friend and to share our stories with one another was what made it memorable.

There’s another WoF event coming next year and I have a feeling I’ll be attending it. I want to hear Sheila Walsh, Angie Smith and see Selah again. But, I will also make sure that I have one (or more) friends with me.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received tickets to Women of Faith Over the Top free through the BookSneeze®.com bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

For years I had wanted a trunk; an old-fashioned leather ones with the buckles. My step-mom had a beautiful trunk she’d restored in her living room, and I coveted it every time I visited. Finally, as a newlywed, I decided that a trunk of my own was the last feather I needed for my new little nest.

I searched everywhere.

Of course, when I say everywhere I mean only Pier 1, because that’s the store where you find “antique” and “exotic” home decor. I never thought of flea markets, thrift stores, or yard sales, and I don’t think anyone had yet heard of Craigslist.

Scrolling through the papasan chairs, pillows and candles on the Pier 1 website I found it!

My trunk. 

It did look a little sterile, and wasn’t quite as antiquated as I would have liked, but it would have to do. That night Josh and I drove out to pick it up and lugged it up the stairs to our second-floor apartment.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered my life was not completed by acquiring my trunk. I found that there were other home decor items that I desired, and also that this trunk I’d placed my hopes and dreams on was not all I’d anticipated.

In the past ten years that trunk has played all sorts of roles. It’s been a coffee table for giant mugs of cocoa and a bench when extra seating was needed at parties. Lately it’s been a stage for toddler rock shows and a diving board into piles of cushions.

It moved from California to Washington, back to California and {again} back to Washington.

The corners were used as a scratching post by Poo, the little kitten turned cat that Josh gave me while we were dating. At first I was distraught that my trunk had been damaged by her. Over time I forgot to see it as a blemish and instead took it in as a part of the trunk’s style.

The same goes for the destruction of the leather on the lid. Having discovered a bottle of anointing oil, Cora anointed the trunk lid. The leather bubbled and peeled away, and there’s a faint spicy sent if you get up close to it. My initial reaction, as with the cat scratch marks, was disappointment, but again it’s now just a part of our trunk.

The inside if full of my old journals from age 10 to now, Josh’s keepsakes (a baseball mitt, a Pontiac Star Chief hood ornament, and innumerable Hot Wheels), old pictures from our college days and newlywed years, and blankets to pull out when company are over.

When I first searched out my trunk all I thought of was what it would look like and how I could use it. Now it has become a living scrapbook.

I’ve discovered that you can’t fake antique, you have to live it for it to have value.

Feels good, but looks painful.

Anywho, here’s my take on this weeks prompt: Grow

If you want to check out what others had to say, which I highly recommend, click here.

GO

It’s my first winter in five years.

Well, not really. It’s just that when you’re living in Southern California winter seems more like an event than a season. Winter is when all the Christmas lights go up on the buildings. Carols and pop jingles are played in stores. On a side note: have you ever noticed that Christmas music is a lot like Christian music? It doesn’t matter if the lyrics are good, or the singing and instrumentals well done; as longs as it’s got the label it’s accepted.

Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah, winter. Winter in Southern California included scarves, but only for decoration. Now that I’m back in Washington I NEED a scarf. It’s supposed to snow this weekend. SNOW!

Winter has always signified a season of rest, hibernation and stillness. For me, this season seems to be more about growth. It’s like my body has confused Winter and Spring. I feel new ideas, new lessons and new relationships pushing out of me. Everywhere I turn I am confronted with another area of growth in my character and attitudes.

It’s been somewhat painful, but I’m used to new life being painful (I have four children, remember). The thing is that just like with delivering a new baby, you somehow forget…well, not forget, but the pain seems to dull in the presence of what you have been given.

STOP

Happy Friday everyone! I’m off for an overnight marriage retreat tonight! I may just sleep the entire time.

Related articles

• Five Minute Friday: Disappointment (melissabrotherton.com)
• Five Minute Friday: Joy (melissabrotherton.com)
• {Not So} Five Minute Friday: Rest  (melissabrotherton.com)
• When I Grow Up…  (melissabrotherton.com)

My computer is broken. I have no internet at home. The stress of being misunderstood or held accountable to what I write is daunting.

It seemed easier to crawl in my little hole, limit my writing to my personal journal, and use the Christianese of “a season.”

I can’t do it.

Call it narcissism, a craving for attention, or {what it really is} a desire to connect and be connected. I’ve missed you all, and I’ve missed the perspective that blogging gives me.

It forces me to walk around with my eyes open.

To see the things that God is doing, and to acknowledge them outside of myself.

I can’t stop.

So, thank you to all of you who have encouraged me over these past few months, and also to those of you who have peeped in here at that same last post that’s sat there since October.

And…check out what God showed me yesterday! It’s over at the Everyday Testimony Project.

I’ll be back here tomorrow!

GO

I hesitate to call them disappointments.

However, I am left without an appropriate word for the situations we have continually found ourselves up against since our move.

A string of disappointments.

Followed by glimpses of hope…that God cares, that He knows, that He’s working.

I loved the light today. Another one of those familiar things that I had allowed time and distance to erase from my memory. Overcast skies, like a blanket of steely gray cotton rolled out over the Puget Sound. Shots of sunlight, bursting through small tears in the cloud layer. The contrast of gloom and brilliancy tricks the eyes into tinting the landscape. Like in those movies where they shoot through filters.

Today was filtered in blue. Not a primary blue that is fit only for kid’s rooms, but a cadet blue. It seemed to be more a reflection in a sheet of stainless steel than real life.

Is that what is meant by silver lining?

Every disappointment is actually a redirection. I can’t call them disappointments because God has always come through with something better. There is confusion and grieving over what we thought would be — it would feel false if there wasn’t — yet we press on forward in confidence that God’s plan is greater.

The be still and know, the lean not on your own, the hear and obey.

Allowing God’s brilliancy to pierce the fog of our understanding, and tint the whole world with Him.

STOP

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{photo source}

It made me wonder what else that is now common place and overlooked I will one day jump at.

I’ve forgotten the sound of Eli crying.

Mothers can differentiate between their child’s cry and another’s. I was sad that Baby Eli is in some ways now lost to me.

Ezra has pretty much potty trained himself this weekend. My theory is that he’s fed up with waiting for me to settle down and get to it. Postponing seems to be our way of life these past few months. So, he’s taken it upon himself to make use of his froggy toilet. His cheerleading skills are equally impressive.

We’re still not in our own place. Which means that I’m making the hour round trip to the kids’ school twice a day. The words of Eugene Peterson on being a pastor have been my companion. Arthur Morey’s voice is so soothing.

I might actually miss my drive time.

We’re moving this Saturday! Luckily the majority of our possessions are still stacked in boxes in my mom’s garage. It should be our easiest move ever.

Tonight we asked the kids what they’re most excited to unpack.

Cora said Barbies…

Ezra said cars…

Eli yelled, “Wii!”

None of those items have been asked for in the past three months.

I’m really looking forward to a reunion with my Kitchenaid stand mixer and my crock pot. I’ve missed them.

It will be nice to be home; to become familiar again.

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